How to Get People to Like You, According to an FBI Behavior Expert

How to Get People to Like You, According to an FBI Behavior ExpertWe all want to be liked. We all want to be popular at workat least enough to one day be promoted, enjoy success, and get along with our colleagues. And we all want to make that crucially important first impression into a great one. Networking is too important to fumble. googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display(div-gpt-ad-1467144145037-0) ) You may have heard that the art of making friends isnt something you can study up on. But there are a few tried-and-true tricks you can and should employ in the interest of keeping the conversation going, building relationships, and improving your likeability.Here are some of the best.1. Dont be judgy.According to Robin Dreeke, former head of the FBIs Behavioral Analysis Program, this is the number one piece of advice she can give to people hoping to be well-liked. It means listening to your conversation partner, asking questions and soliciting opinions, and then leid judging that persons thoughts or feelings.Validate the person youre speaking to. Understand where theyre coming from and what they want and need. Youre showing interest by doing this. And letting people talk about themselves? Its like handing out candy and cocktails when it comes to likeability.2. Let go of your ego.Next time youre talking to someone and you feel the desire to correct themor tell an even better story than the one they just tolddont. Let go your need to be correct and be in the spotlightits the other persons chance to impress for a while. Dont just contradict someone because you can. Save that for situations where its too important not to.3. Listen correctly.If you think listening is just about shutting up and not saying anything, youve got ways to go. Its definitely not waiting for the other person to stop speaking long enough for you to get in your lines. Instead, show that youre listening by paraphrasing bits of what was said back to the person, and then asking follow-up questions immediately to keep the conversation going. Listen actively, not passively.4. Take an interest in other people.Dont necessarily ask people about their personal lives or dramas, but do inquire as to what challenges theyre facingespecially in the workplace. It can be helpful for them to talk through these things, and also you can frame it by asking advice. Maybe they raised twins. Maybe they started a business. departure asking questions about challenges and find more common ground.5. Dont overdo it.New people are more likely to relax around you if you dont look like youre about to camp out next to them for the foreseeable future. Make it clear that you have to dash imminently, but you wanted to say hi in the few minutes you still had at the party, etc. Smile and make eye contact, but dont be too in their face. Be as genuine and pleasant as possible but remain slightly removed, as though they definitely have your full attention, but you still have to keep one foot out the d oor.6. Admit when youre wrong.Its not enough to just avoid telling people when they are wrong. You should also make a point to admit when you are wrong. Apologize and take steps to fix it. Be sympathetic and contrite and youll avoid hard feelings.7. Be selfless.Once youve got a group of coworkers youre trying to build lasting bonds with, do little things to make them feel important. Say hello to everyone. Show appreciation when due. Put yourself out to do things for your colleagueseven small things like remembering birthdays or including them in conversations. Take a sincere interest in people and they will reward you with their intimacy.8. Criticize with class.If you find you do have to criticize someone, make sure not to make a big show of it. Keep it private, just between the two of you. Dont make a spectacle or example of it in a more public setting. And try throwing in a compliment or two to soften the blows.

Fairygodboss of the Week Cindy Dyer

Fairygodboss of the Week Cindy Dyer After law school, Cindy Dyer started zu sich career fighting gender-based violence in Dallas, Texas as a prosectuor. Little did she know, one day shed be leading the fight for safe communities around the world. Now the Vice President of menschenwrdig Rights at Vital Voices Global Partnership, Dyer works with grenzberschreitend women leaders to create safer communities for women and girls.Dyer credits her passion, her ability to take risks and her Fairygodboss with creating her dream career. We talked to her about her path international work, her role models and how she overcame imposter syndrome to become a global voice on violence prevention. Then, she shared her best advice for women who want to make an impact whether at a mission-based organization or in the workforce more generally.Fairygodboss of the Week Cindy Dyer,Vice President, Human Rights at Vital Voices Global PartnershipWashington, D.C.Tell us a little about your career. How did you g et where you are now?I often joke that I got into this job by sneaking in the back door like a stray cat, because I never fathomed that I would be living in Washington, D.C. and working on international womens issues. I began my career working on the issue of gender-based violence at the local level as a prosecutor in Dallas, Texas. I advanced to the national level when I had the opportunity to serve as the Director of the Office on Violence Against Women at the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ). I moved on to focus my work internationally when I came to Vital Voices in 2009. I currently have the opportunity to work with women leaders all around the world who are creating safer communities for women and girls. What is an accomplishment that you are proud of?I am proud that I had the courage to follow my passion and pursue the job that I wanted to do, rather than the one that I thought would advance my career. When I was totenstill a young prosecutor in Dallas County, I had the opport unity to join the fledging Family Violence Division. Many of my friends and colleagues advised me against this move, but I felt strongly that I wanted to try to prevent murders in addition to prosecuting them. That decision in 1994 paved the way for my entire career and I am so proud that I had the fortitude to follow my passion.What is a challenge that youve faced and overcome?When I left DOJ to work at Vital Voices, I faced a challenge that I called a crisis of confidence. I worried that I did not belong in the international space and began comparing myself to others who had gone to Ivy League schools (I did not), spoke other languages (I did not) and spent their careers studying international relations (I did not). However, I realized that while I lacked those valuable experiences, I brought different valuable experiences and knowledge to the room. While many people have thought about, studied and researched laws related to gender-based violence, I am often the only partie in the room who has actually obtained a protective order for a victim of domestic violence, prosecuted a sexual assault case when the victim was too frightened to come to court or argued with a judge who thinks that gender based violence is a private, family matter. I have truly been in the shoes of the women leaders with whom I work and that connection gives me a unique value. Who is YOUR Fairygodboss? and Why?Vicki Isaacks Vicki was a prosecutor in Dallas County, Texas when I first joined the District Attorneys Office. She was a wonderful Fairygodboss to me in so many ways. She encouraged me to follow my passion to become a specialized gender-based violence prosecutor even when my other prosecutor friends told me I was crazy. She taught me the value of sharing the glory. Vicki was more experienced and influential than I was, but she did not hoard her power and influence rather, she shared it with me. She willingly passed on knowledge, opportunities and connections. I try to be as gener ous with my colleagues as Vicki was with me. What do you do when youre not working?I love to hang out with family my husband, Jason, my son, Aubrey and my daughter, Evie.If you could have dinner with one famous person dead or alive who would it be?Ruth Bader GinsburgLightning Round What is your karaoke song?As a favor to others, I do not sing karaoke songs. Lightning Round What is your favorite movie?Easy When Harry Met Sally.Lightning Round What is your shopping vice? What would you buy if you won the lottery?My shopping vice is definitely gourmet groceries. I have no hesitation about buying expensive cheese (Locatelli Pecorino Romano), salt (Maldons), and organic seasonal vegetables (Pimientos del Padron)What is the 1 career tip youd like to share with other women who want to have successful careers like you?Never let an opportunity to give a compliment pass you by The power of a kind word cannot be overstated. People appreciate hearing when they have done something well, and that appreciation inevitably comes back to benefit you. Additionally, you have more leeway to provide criticism when it is needed, and that criticism will be more impactful and effective when you have previously provided praise. Why do you love where you work?I love where I work because I feel like I am contributing to positive change in the world. Additionally, I am inspired and motivated by the amazing leaders I have the pleasure of working with both in Vital Voices international network of 15,000 women leaders and within our own organization.